This is why I don't like stars

Depending on where I am, the stars can actually be very discernible here. Staring at them makes me feel very melancholic, for little more reason than the fact that someone I know likes them.

Stars have always brought a sense of negativity to me because they can exist for a very long time, billions of years. But eventually even stars burn out. They are at the extreme end of the spectrum, as close to eternity, to infinity, to forever, as anything ever can be. But they also cease to be in the end. Nothing lasts incessantly. In fact, when you are seeing the glow of a star, the distance the light has to travel might be so long that the star is, in fact, already dead and you are just looking at the illumination of a farewell that was sent to the far-flung reaches.

In this universe, where even stars burn out, nothing remains forever. If even vast, ancient constellations fail to make an everlasting mark in this universe, what more can a mere human do?

Very pessimistic of me I know.

This is a city of facades. Much more so than back home. Inviolable courtesy is met with very subtle signs of derision from everyone, hell who do you think doesn't know how to suck up to people here? People back home at least gives some recognition- "he's a nice guy"- and reacts more warmly, even if they mostly still don't truly appreciate such virtues anyway. People here probably start scheming on how to use you even before thinking you're stupid for being nice. Impeccable breeding, immaculate manners, exquisite taste, honourable principles, elegant grace, none of this is of any concern to the common rogue, at least none that I have met. I'm very glad nobody my superior is my place. They would despair. As it is, I never had much of those commendable qualities I mentioned anyway, and guided with my sense of perception, I more or less still manage to thread my way about. I'm just filled with a huge sense of loneliness.

Because my loyalty is seldom towards causes or services. Its mostly to people, and I haven't really as yet found anyone worthy to trust, much less give allegiance to. And this just makes me feel very weary and uncertain of my purpose in this sprawling city. Its possibly the biggest thing that makes me homesick. How these few days have been like, if anybody's actually reading this, you wouldn't want to know. As always, I've survived through them, and that's it.