Settling almost into a carefree life for now.
calm before a storm as they say.
just been waiting for the sign to leave.
after that things will probably unfold at top speed.
if I manage to get through everything
I'd probably be back here by christmas.
huh cheery positive thinking
since when have I started having it *snorts*
not like christmas has ever been particularly exciting or enjoyable in any sense either way.

I don't think I intend to tell rachel when I'm leaving.
partly because its never in my nature to want to leave with a procession or with much ado.
not the mark of a wanderer.
I don't particularly wish to be emotional that day either.
but the main thing is a rather bad thing about me.
I'm not very gracious.
I have no idea who she's gonna ask along.
if its the class, I'd bet half of them wouldn't give two hoots.
not their fault, I don't deserve so much concern anyway.
but I don't want to have people there
and to see into their faces
to know they don't really give a damn
it'll sting a bit and I'd rather not have that
right on the day I leave to face death.
like I said, not their fault.
perhaps mine for always being able to know.
but its not like I can help it.

have got a lot of sudden wishes and plans
from little ones like getting new shoes
to wanting to embark on a gargantuan task
of clearing up my room and making it look nicer.
*shrugs* on the side of practicality
if I make it back, I think I'd forget all about wanting it.
but ah.. life's a bitch.