And this is how it all begins..

preparations for some china asean conference held things up
now that it has begun
and everybody from this part of the globe is focusing on guangxi
things will finally progress.
I'm getting jittery now all of a sudden.
so many things that I am unsure of
keeps nagging at the back of my head
but its also exciting in a way
after all I've never been there, it'll be a new experience
the wanderer in me approves.

I'm not sneaking away
but I don't intend to announce my departure specifically.
by the time people read or understand all this
I'd most probably be gone already.
I'm not a swaggering knight this time, whatever that really meant.
I'm no hero, striding all alone into the sunset to fight for all.
I'm just trying to guarantee my survival
and perhaps to help end something as a result.
granted, it would be beneficial to quite a lot of people
but I'm mainly just playing my double game.
in other words, it shouldn't be a big deal to anyone but me.
nobody can do much at this point of time anyway
and I don't want anybody impeding my setting off.

sorted out many things
my collection of memorabilia isn't extensive
but I left something for most people I know.
and to a select few,
words of information regarding what happened.
certain last words have been stored as well.
practically speaking, this can be regarded as a kind of rare opportunity as well after all.
nobody really listens to you when you're well and alive.
they'll pay more heed when you speak from the grave.
all of these have been arranged to be given out
in the event of my demise.
if the true extent of my abilities surpasses my confidence in them and I turn out to be unscathed by the end of this saga.
nothing will be distributed,
and I will personally destroy all that I have written.
I'd live to say the words myself some day after all.

sigh.. I fervently hope only I will be affected.
let nobody else be a casualty of this unfair horror.
please.