If you are here wondering about the letter...

from the old blog that is.
well you should have noticed that the style of writing
makes it very unlikely to be mine.
I'm not a christian for starters
and the mention of God in that letter is quite numerous.

when jizong first came to me
with the original letter he had found
I was very touched when I read it.
it was written so well
and so many things coincided with what I felt.
yet when he asked me to edit the letter to suit his circumstance
so he could leave it for his loved one
I was not very keen on the idea.
granted that he's the only one
from all who has been helping me
that has his own possibly fatal commitments
but to make use of others' words
other people's feelings at that time
to project your own meaning to the ones you loved
seems a bit hollow isn't it?

perhaps the eloquence and intensity of the letter won me over
or perhaps I felt I should do one last thing for an old pal
before I lose the chance.
I haven't mentioned the others for many months
though I know it as clearly even now
that had it been landin or shen in my position
they'd make a whole hullabaloo
but leave in a grand, peaceful manner so nobody would be worried
ro wouldn't say a damn thing and leave without anybody knowing
riz would cry her eyes out most likely.
and jz.. will be like me.
I miss the old guys to bits
but most of them are not my companions or confederates now.
and that can't be helped.

I put the letter I edited for him up there
without editing it for myself.
as a sign that I would never be like this
I'm not so eloquent.
not so sure of how to express what I feel.
if I had found the letter, I would have done nothing with it.
I never put a name to it, because I don't complicate things.
there are few doubts I give towards such.
if you're sure you're the one, you're the one.
anyway, that's that.

if while I am gone and you somehow feel like
knowing more about me
that's what these chronicles are for I guess.
isn't much, I deleted lotsa older stuff before.
and they don't say much either, but they're here.
just do me a favour, and read in chronological order
starting from the earliest.
they're chronicles after all.
things are still kept more or less vague here
the best way to make sure no one gets into trouble over me
is for them to say the truth when questioned by anyone.
that they know nothing about me, nothing that nobody else does.
I dunno if curiosity killed the cat
but I do know the same curiosity drives people who are more formidable than you
who have the ability and desire to do more with this curiosity.
I'm pretty sure nobody wants to play their own version of a double game because of me ain't it.
well that's all, and I'm off.