Vspominai

"Vspominai" means remember in russian. One of the slightly more complicated vocabulary that I vspominai-ed. Quite fitting.

After all that I've experienced and seen of the world, I can hardly be considered naive.
But I choose to believe in the best of people.
I regard them in relation to only how they've been to me.
I'm not s'posed to know so much, I give people the benefit of the doubt.
Rampant rumours abound, my own sense of perception nagging at the back of my head.
There might not be much reason to trust.
But I believe.

But he walked.

Damn he did. Just like how everybody's tales of him indicated that he would.
Just like how I kept instinctively bracing for him to.
And he owes me. He knows he does.
Now it feels like I knowingly got betrayed.
And that is a venom that wriggles very painfully and insistently right to the core of my being.

Its not easy to trust these days.
Its not always their morals, I don't have that many people owing me a life-debt.
It could juz be their fickle hearts.
They could have forgotten about you, about how they used to care.
They've moved on to more endearing people and matters.
Or perhaps they never cared.
They were like moths to a light due to the intrigue you aroused in them.
When the light is gone, so are they.
All that's left is a hollow shell for show.

And believing in a shell is juz plain foolish.

This is a lesson learnt in a time of peril.
I will not forget.
But.. what am I s'posed to do about it now?
I cannot stop believing..

Can I?

Its not easy to trust these days.